Highway to Happy

Other than stacks of books and pirated DVDs, what has been keeping me occupied this summer is this whole ACPACI thing. I remember writing about being ‘Next in Line’ on that sometime last year. Yet, I’m still surprised to find myself sitting among those people who are highly qualified to represent the school. I feel honored and flattered, but really, I haven’t felt out of place for a long time, until last Friday.

During the first of the 3-day qualifying exam, I was, up until the last minute, kind of wondering how I even ended up there. I mean, come on, I felt so small inside that room. There were 12 of us and half will be chosen to compete next year. Honestly, I thought Sir Tugas can just pick names out of a fishbowl, as long as he keeps mine out of it. Everyone was just so competitive and so deserving of a slot, except- you guessed it right- me.

I remember a friend asking me if I wanted this. Of course, I do. Not everyone is given the chance to actually get a chance to represent his/ her school in a competition that prestigious. I’m just not sure if I was cut out for it. Before College, it felt like the spotlight just finds its way to me. I don’t even have to exert effort for people to notice what I’m made of. I was just always pushed up to the stage and, fortunately, was able to deliver every time. So this whole ‘qualifying’ thing is new to me. I’m not being cocky here or whatever. I’m just surprised that even if I’m now in a bigger and much challenging field, I manage to show people I’m deserving of a shot. The mere fact I still am enrolled in this program, considering the mortality rate, is already an achievement. Being considered as someone who is among the ‘chosen few’ is extremely gratifying- and unexpected.

Whichever end I find myself in after this, whether I’ll be congratulated or Ill do the congratulating, I know I’ll be in high spirits. Besides, Liana Igna- Most Outstanding Accounting Student sounds weird, after all.

But not that bad, either.

After some ‘serious’ bloghopping, I came across an entry form a friend’s site that actually spoke to me. He shared about dreams and the time we should devote to reach them. He mentioned about the reality gap, the in between stage, the replacement, etc. Honestly, he was basically discussing issues people our age worry about; nothing really new or unusual mentioned. It was the person who mentioned those stuffs that surprised me.

I really don’t want to pour words of praise for him in this entry, since I know he drops by this site once in a while. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, I just want him to be the same amazing person without knowing it.

Or not.

Oh well, frankly, the exact point of this entry is to make him realize how well he is doing now and how well he will do in the future, regardless of what uniform he decides to wear and what office he chooses to be in.

I was blown away that a Vladymir Henry Sy is bothered by questions about the future. He is just equipped with all the right elements to be whoever he wants to be in this planet. I guess no further explanations needed on that one.

For the past years, I’ve been fortunate to know a bunch of amazing people. Vlad is one of them, and he is someone who’s sureshot to succeed. Someday, this guy will make a name for himself. By that time, I just hope he’s wearing a V-neck shirt under his polo. *wink*

Since I opted for summer bum-ness over summer classes, I’m living up to its benefits. I stayed in the house, with the remote control in one hand and a can of Pringles in the other. I watched the 1st 2 episodes of OTH’s Season 2 for the nth time. Nathan and Haley’s love story is just so heartwarming. And seeing how they ended up getting married in high school, I just can’t help but reminisce how Keng and I worked and waited into fitting every important person in our lives, into our world.

Unlike Haley’s parents, mine were more practical than romantic. Keng and I were so young when we met; well, at least, too young to get into a serious relationship. But even though my parents were kind of strict, we never thought of disobeying them and hiding from them anything. I remember this one conversation I had with my mom:

Mom: Anak, don’t rush into things. You’ll meet a lot of good guys, especially in College.
Me: (teary-eyed) But I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like him.
Mom: In that case, you both have to keep each other close. But jumping into a relationship won’t do that. You’re both young and you’ll end up hurting each other.

Yeah, I know, that’s one of the many cheesy talks I’ve had with my mom.

If there’s one thing that kept Keng and I together in high school, it was our choice to listen. We were humble enough to admit that at that stage, our parents knew better than us and it would be for our own good to obey them.

Looking back at those days when I can’t even mention his name in front of my dad, it feels weird whenever a family member brings up his name over dinner conversations. My mom usually asks about his grades, my dad about how well he’s treating me and my brother, uh, about his ipod, his cellphone, his laptop and whatever gadget they both have.

I love my family, and I am oh so in love with Keng; they are all part of my future plans.

Obviously, I haven’t written about anything lately. It’s not that there wasn’t anything meaningful or interesting to write about. I guess I’m just avoiding this whole writing thing.

For the past weeks, I’ve been immersed into all sorts of emotions. Yes, I’m now way above all of them but there’s still this force that’s keeping me from recognizing the experience; thus, stopping me from writing about it.

When people ask me why I write, I often say it’s like placing your experiences into a step higher. It’s one thing to be exposed into reality, recognizing that fact is an entirely different story.

When I put into words the emotions inside me, I face up to the anger, disappointment, happiness, insecurity, love and the rest of those kinds. Nowadays, I find it easier to just let them go. I let them pass wishing they wouldn’t touch me in any way- even though I know that’s not possible.

These days I feel numb, except for that ache in my heart caused by all the questions I left hanging. I guess I’m just not ready to confront whatever it is I’m holding back.

Yesterday, I got caught up in a circumstance where, I guess, most students find themselves in. I was trapped, and I had to make a decision. Only four choices were available in front of me: the right thing (my way), the wrong thing (my way), the right thing (world’s way) and the wrong thing (world’s way). Apparently, the four options I had was trimmed down to 2. There was only one right way (mine and the world’s wrong way) and one wrong way (mine and the world’s right way).

I have never been the most honest person, so I don’t really have the right to lecture you on this one. But you should know that I am not cut- out for that. There is a certain level I can tolerate, but what you wanted was way below the belt.

Cheating is stealing.
Stealing alone is unacceptable.
Stealing something you can actually afford makes on this small.


I’ve forever been trying not to be judgmental. But because of what you did, I don’t think I can ever look at your face without remembering what you said.

Fortunately, this is just a bad dream.
Unfortunately, I can’t seem to wake up.

Everyone, I suppose, aims to belong in a noble profession. Needless to say, I am working my way up to fit into one. However, whenever i tell people who I want to become in the future, I get the whys and huhs, rather than the oohhss and aahhss I expected. This got me thinking: what's wrong with becoming a lawyer?

Just this morning, I finally got my answer. I watched a replay of the Senate hearing in ANC. I watched renowned senators, mostly lawyers, in their holy seats, dressed in flashy suits and shining ternos. I witnessed them debate about issues which were (supposed to be) of national concern. However, what crushed my heart were the words that came out of their mouths. These people studied for years, analyzed thousands of cases, yet, they raise very shallow, even stupid, questions during the hearing. They don't seem to use what they know for their positions. Rather, they use their positions to determine what they should know.

Honestly, it was heartrending to see well- respected lawyers throw away years of hard word, years of idealism, years spent believing they could do good for this country, just for a pile of some dirty cash. If that's what it takes to become a great lawyer, sorry, I'm not buying it. From now on, I'll refrain from aiming to be a great lawyer; I'll be a different one, instead.