Saturday, April 30, 2011

Alter Ego

There are certain emotions I would have to get out of my system. Although, there is that voice of fear growling inside my head, telling me I might get into some kind of trouble for this, in case (God forbid) the twisted scenario building up in my equally twisted brain comes to life. I may not explicitly mention the name of the Company here, but I have, in so many instances, pointed out in what firm I am currently employed. So, for a win-win picture, I came up with this scenario:

I am not Liana. I am a girl who looks like Liana, who shares the same sentiments with Liana, who is as overworked, as frustrated, as confused as Liana. But that is mere coincidence. To be clear, let me mention once again, this is not Liana writing.

Now, hear me out.

Can one day change your entire career plan?

Yesterday, I got the worst news; the kind of news that could drain all your energy. I was demotivated, to say the least. Nothing does that better than knowing you are not given the importance you deserve, or even the slightest consideration. I was going through my career plans in my head, kind of like a flashforward of decisions I had in line, and picked that point from where everything would have to change. My heart fluttered, not in a good way, knowing it would certainly be a drastic adjustment. I can go on delaying it, but what’s the use of staying with people who do not give importance to the things that are important to you. So, I made up my mind, set an ultimatum and marked this day as the day that changed everything.

The next day I had a one-on-one discussion with one of my bosses. He’s my favorite and most respected boss, at that. It was for a firm-wide required feedback system. I felt nervous, knowing he will be downright honest, as he always is. I just prayed he wouldn’t eat me alive.

We started with the usual self-assessment and then he went on pointing-out specific aspects of our engagement. I was ready to hear negative comments. Instead, I got something better than a “good job” statement. He said I exceeded his expectations. He said he didn’t think it was my first time to write such reports. He said he had an easy time editing and reviewing my work because it was already comprehensive. All I managed to say was, “Yey, thank you po.”. I even made a few silent claps while uttering those words. How mature of me!

After the feedback process, it was my turn to voice-out my opinions/suggestions. I was hesitant, at first. But I told myself, if I don’t say anything I would lose all the right to complain. So I went ahead and said everything. I chose my words carefully so as not to sound like a rantbox, but I made sure I send my message across. I felt relieved.

Can one day change your entire career plan?

Yes, it can. Even just a phone call can. But I was wrong, at first, in picking the day I’ll allow to change my plans. It wasn’t and shouldn’t be yesterday. It is today. It is the day my most respected boss told me I did a good job. It is hearing straight from his mouth that I exceeded his expectations. I may have underperformed in other engagements, mismanaged priorities; I may have been less obedient than I should have in other circumstances, but I can accept that. I am not asking for pure praises. Criticisms, I can take. I even welcome them so as to be given the opportunity to work on myself. I was just waiting for a one-liner pick-upper. Just something with form, like spoken words, I can hold unto when I am doubting myself.

One day changed my career plans. One boss showed me how a truly respectable boss should act. Today I come to a decision that life is too short to stay in the wrong job; and that there is a right job, in the right time, out there.

I can’t wait.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Be careful what you wish for…

Fine. Go ahead. Finish it with that irritating Pussy Cat Dolls rhythm in your head.

Not too long ago I prayed for uncertainties, for risk-taking worthy opportunities. To an extent, I pleaded for instability, for a year of rising and falling. The past year had been too good to me I wanted a rough ride for a change.

Merely 3 months into 2011, and dear heavens, did I get what I wanted.

In 90 days…

I lost an officemate boyfriend (boyfriend title still safe).

I took the first step towards my secret mission.

I re-learned syllogism, number sequence analogy and abstract reasoning all because of the same secret mission.

I booked 3 trips, every single one out of promo fare pressure.

I witnessed how the boyfriend managed to build a business of his own from nothing.

I shoved up a middle finger to the busy season and filed a week-long leave, took off to Davao and fell in love with Pearl Farm.

I put everything on the line only to find out I had no one to bet on against because we were all on the same side, after all.

I watched in vain how the boyfriend pulled himself together and remained strong through his mom’s operation and recovery.

I decided to quit my job seven times and decided against the idea twice as often as I thought about it.

I bid farewell to my three angels.

And I’ve been holding my aching tummy whenever the fickle brother raises the subject of marriage out of excessive laughter and lack of air.

2011, I’m not taking my plea back. I’ve matured more in the past 3 months than I did in all of 2010. What I ask now is more patience and strength and a deeper faith in happy endings. Those virtues I don’t ever want to lose.

Nine more months are left to unfold. I, for one, can’t wait.

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