Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thank you so much, Ray. And goodluck with your own endeavors.
Friday, March 21, 2008
A Reader's Resolution
I’m not really the O.C. type who organizes my things to the point of labeling each one, but I’m very particular with my books. I use them with utmost care so that they will look brand new when I stack them on my bookshelves. I also avoid letting other people borrow them for the same reason.
Just a month ago, a friend borrowed a Coelho book of mine. When she returned it, it looked as if it aged 10 years from the day I lent it to her. I was, of course, disappointed and even thought of buying a new copy. Fortunately, I didn’t. Because if I did, I would have felt worse after reading an account from Coelho’s “Like the Flowing River”:
“… but as soon as I’ve finished the book, I let it go; I give it to someone else, or to the public library. My intention is not to save forests or be generous. I simply believe that a book has its own journey to make, and should not be condemned to being stuck on a shelf.”
I’ll still stick to my almost-merely-peeking kind of reading, but not anymore to preserve the book for my shelves. I’ll still treat my books with utmost care so that they can endure the trek of being passed on from one reader to another. I will no longer be reluctant to let others borrow my books, because, in the first place, books are meant to be read and I, as a reader and owner, must allow them to fulfill their purpose.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I was unaware of all the other opportunities that may come my way back in those days. I thought I just needed to find out what I want and pursue it. So I decided I want to become a wife, a mother and a lawyer- that simple.
Now that I am almost done with college, I look back and see how much my plans have changed; how much my options grew in numbers. Being in College extended my horizon, to the point of making it limitless. I started with one path, mainly black and white views of what I wanted. Now, I watch my plans branch out, but sometimes I feel like I overdid it.
Becoming a lawyer has always been in my heart. But now, I’m unsure, more than ever, if I will eventually take that route. I’ve always envisioned myself as a teacher, touching hearts and seeing my students transform right before my eyes. This is also one of my options; one of the too many options I don’t have a clue how to handle.
I want to become a partner in the biggest auditing firm, I want to study abroad, I want to own a coffee/flower shop, and I want to become a housewife. The list can go on and on, you see. So, perhaps, I might have certainly overdone some parts.
Since the start of this year, I have been feeling jittery about the future. I’m scared, of making the wrong turns, of ending up at the wrong corner, of seeing myself stunned in front of a dead end; I’m frightened of making the wrong choices and ending up not liking who I have become.
To The Love of My Life
Last night, after I went across our old photos, your letters (which show how much your handwriting improved through the years) and all your presents, I realized, no matter how much we’ve grown, there’s something about you that hasn’t changed.
You always ask me why you, and even if I see no point in justifying myself, I want to give you an answer.
I love you… and I love YOU because, even after five years, you still look at me the way you did the first time you said you love me; the look that makes me feel I’m amazing; the look that tells me, no matter what I do and no matter what I won’t be able to, you’ll still be amazed by me, day by day, year after year. And that look is the only thing I need to keep me going.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Last week, I came across an announcement from the External Linkages Department. It was an invitation for the exchange student program in Singapore Management University (SMU). My heart started beating faster as I was basically staring at my dream. However, as usual, fear and nervousness got in the way, so I decided to think things over first.
I was, honestly, convincing myself to just drop it. I am two terms away from graduation and entertaining that kind of opportunity will surely mess up my schedule. I cannot afford to lose focus now.
But despite the lengthy list of why I should just forget about Singapore, I cannot get it out of my mind. Perhaps, this is one instance when I can’t pretend and say, “I never really wanted that, after all.”
Yesterday, I gave in to my heart’s plea. I mustered enough confidence and allowed my feet to bring me to Mr. Masilungan's office. I was really, really nervous to face him but there was something about the way he shook my hand that calmed me a bit.
After asking me some general questions (like about my course, year, CGPA, etc), he said something that blew my mind: “Perhaps, we can proceed with your first interview RIGHT NOW.
I was shocked and nervous and basically afraid of making a fool out of myself. So there I was, left with no choice but to pretend like everything’s fine when in fact I was almost not breathing!
It seemed like, despite the suffocating feeling inside, I was able to say something right. I passed the first screening and left the room with the application form in one hand.
Now that I have the key to my dream, I am left with one decision to make: will I use it?
My parents said it was okay. And I want to thank them for the willingness to spend a couple of hundred thousands for that (which can still turn into a couple of couple of hundred thousands since I have this feeling that my dad is planning to come with me). However, my biggest concern is TIME. If I will pursue my application, and modesty aside, I really think I would qualify, I wouldn’t be able to graduate in December. I would have to extend for a term and stay in school until April, then take the Board exam on October.
I am, at this point, just a short walk away from a dream, but taking that stroll would mean lengthening my journey.
Honestly, I didn’t have any intension of ending this entry with a statement. I wanted to post the question to everyone in the hopes of somehow finding the answer from others. But after really mulling over my choices, I guess it is best for me... TO STAY.
I will stay here, and finish the journey I have started, while I safely keep in my heart the dream of studying miles away from here.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I badly need my dose of rest, but taking it would mean welcoming the possibility of failing. It is a choice between sleeping and staying alive. I obviously choose the later.
I have been, since God knows when, ranting about this kind of life. Yet, I have never (seriously) considered getting out of it.
I’m caught up with school works and tons of reading assignments. I miss being busy holding hands, dining out and watching movies with him. Those memories, those small hours make me look forward to a brighter morning, in the same way that it helps me stick up with every long and exhausting day.
He’s my hero.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
i've been ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
ALL ABOUT THE GIRL WHO CAME TO STAY?
SHE´S THE KIND OF GIRL YOU WANT SO MUCH
IT MAKES YOU SORRY
STILL YOU DON´T REGRET A SINGLE DAY
There must be something about Keng and I's taste when it comes to movies because we always find ourselves inside moviehouses with couples twice, or even thirice, our age. But everytime that happens, it's a good sign; we end up enjoying the film up until the credits roll.
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
Yesterday, we went to G4 to watch Across the Universe.
We sat in awe for 2 hours and left our seats as Beatles' fans.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
All you need is love, all you need is love
- All You Need is Love
There's only one word to describe the experience- WOW.
I cannot pinpoint which part or aspect of the movie caught me- it's just, WOW.
Saying it is like an MTV marathon of the best classics, decorated with amazing cinematography is, I guess, redundant to saying, WOW.
Picture yourself in a boat on a river
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
-Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
Try to watch it. It's a must- see, definitely
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I Believe in Paulo Coelho
Just as when I needed the most amount of faith in myself, I am stripped off with whatever I managed to put together. There are so much negative thoughts circling my head right now. I am beginning to feel really terrified.
In this time of skepticism, a small voice was slowly getting louder, until it succeeded in getting my attention.
One of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, wrote in Alchemist, that a person, in his vulnerable age, already knows what he wants from life. And when the time comes that he finally stands up to achieve it, the universe conspires for his success. At first, life will be easy, especially when beginner’s luck still exists. However, a period will come when the person will be tested to his limits, not to hinder him but to measure his strength, because only those with brave hearts deserve to win. This is the part where most of us give up not knowing that this is when we are closest to our dream.
I choose to believe in Paulo Coelho and his voice is slowly overpowering the unwanted echoes in my head.
Back From the Future
Who could blame me?
Life as a trainee was plain fun. I never expected I could get along well with the associate director, director and the senior director easily. I learned so much, not really about audit technicalities, but more of about life. The SGV people, more than anything, showed me that if one is really dedicated to his/ her chosen career, overtimes are enjoyable and overnights are no big deal.
The OJT experience helped me think about my future in a more transparent view. And if there’s one best way to end it, it’s having a scrumptious dinner in Nanbantei with my ‘bosses’, who turned into ‘friends’
Sir Valen, for the patience and the trust. I really admire your dedication and humility.
Sir Melvin, for spending your free time just chatting with me and, of course, for paying the bill. Ü
Ma’am Maan, for sharing that really cute childish side of you when we were out of the office.
Every member of JEZ cluster, for welcoming me and making me feel comfortable around you, guys.
Non- JEZ peepz (Pierre, et.a l) with whom I practiced the mischievous side of me (haha).
Lastly, of course, Mr. JEZ, for allotting some of your precious time to have dinner with us even if you were endlessly teasing me about some associates.
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