Highway to Happy

Hi Liana, I happened to come across your blog while searching for what came up when I googled for _my_ blog (new, so it doesn't show up yet!).

I'm a professional travel writer, a fiction and literature lover, and I taught for several years at Boston University before my writing career took off and I started writing fulltime. There are a zillion blogs out there, most of them drivel. Yours is sweet, insightful, and interesting and I remember very clearly being similarly troubled in college -- both with the stresses of trying to keep a relationship going, juggling class, and so on, but primarily with the uncertainty of not knowing which road to take, which path of the several laid out for me to follow.

We're very different people, in different parts of our lives, who've grown up in different countries, and yet I can't help but want to write and tell you about a little story in my life (your Singapore, Someday post prompted this...) and, well, maybe it will be something else to ponder. Another view.

Basically, I thought for four years during college that I wanted to go to Japan. I had a long relationship with a Japanese girl which sparked an interest, and to my great surprise, when the relationship fell apart I still was really interested in teaching English in Japan. But lo and behold, when it came time to send in my application, I basically decided I didn't want to bother. I had a new, very sweet girlfriend I didn't want to leave, and I liked my Colorado life and the apartment I had, and I didn't speak any Japanese. It was a little different from you because I was living away from my family already and had learned to adjust...but mainly, deep, deep, down, I didn't want to go because I was afraid. Not afraid to travel, but afraid that if I left for Japan my entire world would shift forever. I didn't want to risk that. And my girlfriend rolled her eyes and almost got mad at me, saying, "What? You've been jonesing to go to Japan all this time and now you're not going to send in the application? How utterly lame!"

I had only one more day before the deadline, and there was an essay, forms to fill, and a photo to include, but I dashed around and submitted it, and got accepted. And later that year I stepped off a plane knowing only three Japanese words: One, Two, and Three. And a phrase that a friend taught me as a joke: "Will you marry me?" My fears had been right. Life was totally different from then on. My girlfriend and I broke up. I lived in Japan for two years. I came back married to a Japanese girl.

My first big publication related to Japan, and fifteen years later I'm still going there several times a year...I'm contacted by newspapers and magazines and on the radio. So I was right and I was also wrong. I knew what I had in college, but I had no way of knowing, until I went to Japan, all the things I would lose if I never took that plunge. Going to Japan was the best thing I ever did in my life. It was terrifying, scary, stressful, and I lost a lot...but I have never, not once, regretted that decision. It brought me so, so much, and my life would be far less rich and far less interesting, and I'd be far less happy, if I hadn't gone. And the other important thing is that we never get a second chance.

You might, someday, be able to visit Singapore but it will be totally different from the opportunity to do it as part of your education. You'll be a tourist, removed from things, and will have the duties of a job and/or family to interfere. Travel is perhaps the most educating, wondrous thing we can do with our lives and you're young enough to be able to take advantage of these opportunities. Maybe you won't get to Singapore at all. Don't get me wrong: it may be complex, it may be hard, and it may interfere with relationships or the life you're living right now...or maybe even the person you are. But most people end up treasuring their time abroad the way someone treasures a child. I don't know you at all, and I don't want to make you second guess yourself, and perhaps you're right...perhaps you can get there "someday." But more likely, you won't. And whereas a CPA certification _will_ be the same this year, the next, the year after that, you may not always have the same opportunities to travel. It just gets harder, more obstacle prone...family, job, kids...pets.

And one other thing, Liana, please don't downplay yourself, your strengths, your writing abilities, or your intelligence. You're clearly a bright, motivated, passionate, creative girl and you deserve to get the most out of life. You're a fairly good writer and you certainly write better than many of my Boston University students (though that's not saying much -- American schools are ghastly!), and as you yourself figured out, having a roadmap is vital. (That's my Blog: "Bartlett's Roadmap to Becoming A Writer.")

You're in school now, which is a very difficult time because your "real life" is on hold in so many ways. Your "job" is classes, but you're still juggling a social life and the stresses of who you'll end up being or what career you choose...it's very hard. But you can still pick out a few short term goals and a long term one. In my case, I had to choose between acting, writing, or art...I was doing art classes, but also acting in plays and doing writing as well. Just before going to Japan, I won a bunch of prizes for my writing and decided that was the route to take.

Ultimately, whatever path you follow in life will be the person you become. And not following a path can be just as defining as actively pursing one. And unfortunately, there's just not enough time in life to be everything, to do everything, and to go everywhere. A roadmap of short and long term goals will make you better able to choose your battles -- figure out where you want to go. For example: Travel is a great tool for writing. If you want to be a writer, going to Singapore might be a very good way to open some doors. You can write about it for your college paper, you can blog, you can perhaps try a local newspaper back home...you'll have experiences that will enrich your life and make you wiser, and who knows, you may even fall in love again...which will no doubt enrich your writing. All the vast range of human emotions become a part of a writer's toolbox. Anger, pain, sadness, apathy, torment, frustration, confusion, indecision...those are just as important as love, passion, happiness, joy, and so on. Travel is a teacher, usually a wonderful one. And it is far, far less scary when you're on the road.

On the other hand, maybe being a CPA will help you be a lawyer. If that's your goal, then let writing drop and focus on that. If you're wanting to be a teacher, what goals can you achieve right now that will help you move towards that profession?

The key thing is to start making choices right now, today, that will move you closer to these future goals. It's not always easy, but your first priority is YOU...be the person YOU think you can be. It's your life -- you have a right to live it. Anyway, sorry to interrupt your day, but I just want to say that I hope you DO go to Singapore...and I hope my random email from e-nowhere doesn't come as an intrusion. I just enjoyed reading your blog and I think you've got to offer...so don't let life pass you by.

Best wishes, ---Ray