Tuesday, November 3, 2009

What ifs

Some people are lucky to be so sure- about the path they want to take, the degrees they want to have, even the wall color of their dream house. Unfortunately, I am so far off from being certain of my wants- career wise. I tend to shift from one option to another, trading one title for something else seemingly more fitting, but not because I chickened out. Although sometimes, I think it would be easier that way, since all I must do is convince myself I’m capable and everything will be solved.

But as I’ve said, that’s not my case.

Even before graduation, people, mostly relatives, tried to convince me to go straight to Law school. Adjusting from being an income earner to a student relying on parental support would be difficult, they said. As if it’s easier to earn money than ask for it. For me, though, I believed experiencing the real world first- hand would help me become more responsible and independent. And so, I followed my guts and signed for a job, only to find out they were right.

People were right in saying it would be difficult to let go of my job and take a leap back into becoming a student again. But not because of money. If anything, that’s basically a plus in going back to school than receiving a salary. I figured they were correct because it dawned on me that after I took on a new role, I catered to new challenges, and somewhere along the way, these obstacles, and the fulfillment that went with overcoming them, filled that certain void in my heart I thought only Law school could cover.

Before, I was dead sure becoming a lawyer was my goal. It was that bigger dream, the reason why I took Accountancy, in the first place. It wasn’t for the title. It was for everything that goes with the title, which now leads me to thinking: what if the job I have right now, the career I am carefully building, what if these things give me exactly everything that goes with becoming and being a lawyer, only in a different guise? What if the challenges I face now: dealing with clients, long, long hours in the office, impossible deadlines; what if these are exactly the things I was expecting a Law degree would offer me? What if these are enough already?

Then again, what if they’re not?

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