"Breathe through discomforts. Just breathe."
Works on the mat, works in life.
"The light and love in me honors the light and love in all of you."
Shouldn't we all?
Works on the mat, works in life.
The weather was terrible last August 8 but sunshine beamed right out of my eyes the moment the boyfriend handed me a gift wrapped in Manila paper. When my fingers touched its corners, my idea of what it could be was confirmed and I giddily opened it.
It was a painting he made: his interpretation of one of his favorite pictures of us together. He painstakingly worked on every detail that appeared like a stained-glass window. There were a couple of times he attempted to teach me how to paint, so I had an idea how much patience it took him to finish it.
Being the spoiler boyfriend, he handed me another gift. But even the shiny silver watch couldn’t top the amazing feeling of being given something so beautifully made just for me. The painting was priceless.
At one point I remembered the pop-up card I made for him which I left in the office. Work was suspended for 2 days so I didn’t get the chance to finish it and give it to him. I was actually relieved. My pop-up card looks like a pre-schooler’s project! Now, a real pre-schooler’s pop-up card would look cute regardless but the thing is, I’m 23 and I suck at arts and crafts!
Hey love, this morning I realized I couldn’t outlove you if I will express it through paintings and drawings and paper-cutting skills because I wasn’t blessed with any of those talents- obviously. Those are your gifts. But I have this thing with words. I think I can write a fairly good love letter and right now, you’re staring at my canvass.
August 13, 2012
To my Soulmate,
Right now, I feel grateful. My heart is bursting at its seams with all the love the universe has been showering me lately- the biggest part being your contribution. More than loved and taken care of, this is one of the moments gratefulness overpower all other emotions. This letter is a dire attempt to put into words a handful of the million reasons you make me feel blessed.
Allow me to say, ‘Thank you.’
Thank you for trusting me, not only in an I’ll-never-cheat kind of way because that is already given. You trust my judgments. You have faith in me even though I take more scary steps backwards than baby steps towards what I want. You trust me with the decisions I make and you trust that I love you even though those decisions are based on ME and not US. Because I can’t do that right now, not at this point. And you not only understand, you encourage me to do just that: to constantly search and pursue the biggest and smallest things I am passionate about.
Thank you for loving every version of me the past nine years. You loved me when I was a selfishly immature 15 year-old and you love me just the same today, a lot more mature and understanding, but still selfish, for all the different reasons. You never expected me to see the world in your eyes instantly. You gave me some legroom, being a self-confessed baby in the family, to work on my childishness. You put up with my insecurities and dealt with my defenses, until I was as ready as you were to plunge straight into this relationship.
Thank you for gladly listening to my never-ending monologues on my constantly changing dream wedding, especially when we were a lot younger. You tolerate my out-of-the-blue lectures on future house rules, like not bringing the kids to Starbucks until they are old enough to understand that it is a luxury and not a need, and that you are restricted from buying anything in Florsheim KIDS. But most of all, in spite of our forward-looking conversations, thank you for understanding when I tell you that I am not yet ready for all of it. That as much as I am certain that I love you and that there is no way I can imagine a future without you, I am also sure that now isn’t the time to take this relationship to the next level. That we still need a couple of years to figure out our individualities because after that, after we’ve given each other that amount of trust, freedom and respect, our bond will be so strong it is impossible to be broken. And our friends may disagree, even our parents, random people may bully us but never will we let anybody dictate the rhythm of our growth- in the same way we didn’t listen when they told us we were too young to fall in love.
Thank you for loving me the way you do because, and I say this with absolute honesty, you surpass every rule I made in my ‘How I deserve to be treated’ list. You not only make sure I know you love me, you make sure I feel how much, every waking day. And out of the many wonderful things you tell me, I always fall in love with you a little more whenever you remind me that you WANT and NEED me happy. That’s it. Not ‘happy and successful’, or ‘happy and beautiful’, or ‘happy and the perfect girlfriend’. Just happy.
Thank you for never letting me slip away. Thank you for being a rock in times I am confused. Thank you for reminding me how I should feel about myself with the way you look at me. Thank you for dealing with my tantrums. Thank you for protecting me, for making me feel safe.
Thank you for loving me so selflessly and so purely that I am not scared, not even in the smallest measure, to think about your happiness first, to share with you every detail of my life, to build the foundation of my future around our love, regardless of what others say about the possibility of waking up one day and realizing everything has changed.
I love you fearlessly, with all of my heart, without hesitation, without leaving anything for myself because you love me this very same way first.
And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Sorry that my work is not frame-worthy but at least it'll hang forever in the spaces of this gallery that is my blog. :)