Highway to Happy

So we are now past the so- called BUSY SEASON.

We have more time to do non-work related stuff and make-up for missed social events. We are free to say “Thank God it’s Friday” because we actually have non-work weekends. Believe it ir not, we even have time to be bored at work. And boredom usually results to “chismisan”, “durugan”, non-stop “tawanan” and all those shallow conversations.

Although last night was different.

I don’t know if it has something to do with the movies we’ve watched or books we’ve read or we’re just plain bored to death because suddenly, we found ourselves talking about love, first love, puppy love, true love- all of it. We all had our share of views and contradicting opinions. Some were obviously speaking based on experience; others were sharing theories yet to be tested. But when it’s about love, it’s always exciting and profound and dynamic. And everyone has a say.

Out of the blue, someone asked if we believed in destiny and the often overrated idea of a soulmate, the fact that there is one person out there meant for you. And if there is, how do you know if you already found him/her. As usual, we had some rounds of agreements and disagreements. We are an interesting mix of skeptics and hopeless romantics. One side defends their beliefs as strong as the other. But every point results in just tummy-aching laughter.

The conversation died a natural death. We all retreated back to surfing and chatting at a certain point. On my way home, I was replaying the conversation we had in my mind. I was enthusiastic sharing my views, feeling I had a certain authority since I have found true love already. I was specifically very opinionated when we discussed destiny and soulmate and first love. Well, I kind of regretted the fact. That certain officemate who brought up the topic obviously was fishing for notions because she is on a situation that calls for it. In simpler terms, I think she is almost falling in love. On that context, I think I should have stayed mum on my own beliefs and just said:

Whatever your notions on love, soulmates, destiny and things of those sort, you have to keep them and cling to them and never let other people’s opinions affect them. Because how you believe love should be is how you deserve to have it.

I know I did.

For a year now, or maybe a little more than that, we haven’t seen or actually talked with each other. There are occasional FB messages and status comments to keep in touch but nothing more than that. Last Saturday, I saw you- accidentally. You were your old perky self. Or to be more correct, you were your old perky but troubled self

I know you are going through some complicated things right now. And I know it pains you to bring pain to people that are dear to you. I don’t know the whole situation yet, given that we only had roughly 10 minutes to catch-up. But I do know, with absolute certainty, that you never meant to hurt and bring them disappointment. You are vulnerable like that, you know?

Some people may find you selfish. But if only they would look closer, they’ll know you are everything but selfish. You always try to make everyone happy and pleased, in your own twisted way. Sometimes, your choices are misunderstood by people around you. But you know how I have always seen you? You are that person who follows her heart-regardless. You are sometimes clouded with fears but you never let them get the best of you. You surpass everything because you know exactly what you want and what makes you happy.

Well, this is kind of predictable. He surely knows I would come up with a couple hundred words that would flatter his heart and make him look like the perfect boyfriend to anyone else who is reading this (if there is any). So, just to disappoint him, I’ll sum up everything I want to say in 40 words.

Here it goes:

Today is your day. But forgive me for being definitely way, way happier than you are. Because as you and the people around you celebrate the day you were born.......

The boyfriend and I made specific plans for that night: mass at 7pm and a special dinner, afterwards. Yes, it has to be special. Not at par with our random greenbelt dinner dates; it must be special. It was, still and all, a special day; it was his dad’s birthday.

Like most plans for work nights (I won’t rant), everything got cancelled. He got caught up at work finishing something urgent and he can’t make it at 7pm. But I was already available so I heard the mass without him. After all, it wasn’t about us. Dinner plans changed, too. The supposedly special dinner turned into a fast food feast. But it didn’t matter. I just wanted to be with him, be there for him.

During dinner, I told him about the priest’s homily. It was about pain and being strong enough to win over it. The priest said people can overcome hurts only though overflowing love. I was looking directly in his eyes when I said those words, as if expecting a sudden change in his expression. But there was none. He remained calm and it was visible through his eyes he had truly moved on from that tragedy.

It must have been years ago but I know it is impossible for him to forget. No one can forget something like that. He was hurt in the worst way imaginable. In spite of it, he found it in his heart to forgive, not just the person responsible for it, but he forgave the world for letting it happen.

That night was a painful reminder of days he never got with his dad. I wouldn’t pretend I know how it felt because I don’t’ have the slightest idea. What I know is that whatever pain he had, he never let it destroy him. He drank it all in, making him stronger and worked his way to becoming the kind of man his dad would have surely, surely been proud of.

All in all, amidst the sudden change of plans, the night went well. I heard a couple dozen of his childhood stories and I felt a lot closer to him, which was something I never thought still possible. To end the “celebration”, I gave him a gift because no birthday is ever completely happy without one. He gave me something, too, in return: a smile. And that turned the night from being well to being absolutely perfect.

Happy birthday, Tito. I know you’re proudly smiling down at us from heaven. =)

I’ve always been a picky reader. I take time researching about books I intend to buy, especially if it’s by an author I haven’t come across before. I am not the type who gets easily swayed by captivating illustrations and appealing titles.

One humdrum trip to the bookstore, I thought of just letting loose. What harm could a never-heard, pretty- looking book do, right? So, I started the search for the cover that would speak to my eyes the most. Twenty minutes later, I stumbled upon this bright blue book with an illustration seemingly fitting for a grade-schooler’s work of art:

Perhaps, most people would find nothing appealing about its cover, given that there was barely anything there. But that was exactly what drew me to it: the absence of elaborate, trying hard images. It was just THAT. A stick figure of a girl and a hasty drawn star on top of her head. Hence, the title STARGIRL. You can’t get any more literal than that.

“And I think every once in a while someone comes along who is a little more primitive than the rest of us, a little closer to our beginnings, a little more in touch with the stuff we’re made of.”

Out of a couple hundred pages, those were the lines that glued to me the most. I want to be like Stargirl in that way. I want to be like the struggling artist who doesn’t give a damn about anything other than what matters to him. I want to do things as I want to- nothing more than that- as opposed to doing things since I have to.I want to be carefree and careless- even for a couple of days out of an entire week.

Overall, it was similar to the books I’ve read in highschool, only with a deeper, more compelling message. It talks about individuality, simplicity, embracing life fully but only letting the good parts stick to you. It was a book I would gladly keep for my future children to read.

Confession:

I read this book last January, and even though I thought head on I would write about it, the idea got buried under piles of work. Recently, I did something that reminded me of Stargirl’s ideals: I finally had the guts to do something out of the spirit of fun and sheer entertainment; I enrolled in a Mandarin class. I know, I know. It’s not like a huge deal and all, but it’s something I want and there shouldn’t be anything bigger of a deal than that, right?