Highway to Happy

As I write this, I am aware that I would have to look back and reminisce in order to have a clear re-counting of the past 365 days. In my first attempt in doing so, I was flooded with new faces, new experiences and new places that are now up here, deposited in my iron-induced memory. These, I knew, are the reasons why the idea of growing up (or growing old, where do we draw the line here?) doesn’t really frighten me. I feel jittery, of course. But not terrified, and definitely not frustrated. I actually feel steady.

The previous year I grew past the girl who is overlooking the cliff, full of hopes, overwhelmed by life’s endless possibilities. I remained hopeful, of course. But my feet were no longer glued to a single post. The past year I started doing everything I said I would the moment I passed the board exams. I freed myself from life’s waiting room; I stopped the usual planning and counting perhaps. I said I planned enough. I was done laying out numerous options for the future. As a matter of fact, I made a couple of essential decisions I was putting off for the longest time. I made choices, closed a few doors and went on living.

In a sentence, my 22nd year was about doing, about celebrating life.

Last year I traveled more than in all the other years combined. I went to different places, with different company. I worked doubly hard in between those delightful journeys. But handling bigger responsibilities are part of learning and growing up, right? I also learned about balance and practiced maintaining it. Work had been its usual demanding self but that made me appreciate weekends so much. Now I look forward to family days because of, well, the family part, and not just because it’s an escape from school. Another valuable lesson is detaching money from words such as allowance and parents and free. I can’t call myself financially independent, yet. Financially mature, I guess, is a more-fitting term.

Re-reading the above paragraphs (in an attempt to find a suitable way to close this), I realized why I felt a sudden urge to write a birthday entry and not just, perhaps, a birthday wishlist, which is a sure way to get what I secretly wish for (boyfriend spoiler alert!). I realized, before, it was effortless to assess whether I gave justice to the past year. There were countless of obvious measures like being in the dean’s list, being able to graduate, passing the board exams, etc. This year was different. No more score boards, no more warning signs, no more evidences, aside from the peacefulness contained in one’s heart. Looking back, going through the memories I made in my head like flashing pictures, I am certain I had a well- spent year. In fact, with all honesty, if I will continue to be as optimistic, as balanced, as eager about life as I had been, I’ll be living without regrets. At least, without the kind that can destroy me.

All in all, I can reminisce with a wide smile across my face. My dear friend hit the bull’s eye when she said, I am blessed as blessed can be. I can’t even begin to say enough thank yous to so many people for that.

But to these 4, who I have to thank the most...

....simply for allowing me to be my disorganized, passionate, emotional, “matampuhin” and difficult self, and still loving every inch of me (although it took my brother some time to do the “loving” part. Kidding.). I am who I am and where I am because these people love me. And because I love them back.

Happy birthday to me. *pat on the back*



P.S.
I did receive what I secretly wish for even without a wishlist. That guy in white, with the irresistible grin, knows me well.