Highway to Happy

Surprised- that’s my reaction when I received an invitation for lunch from a Lorenz Delmendo. As in, Lorenz? The guy who I thought was joking when he said he was a star scholar? And for the record, I didn’t believe him until he wore that nerd-written-all-over star scholar jacket of his.

Fast forwarding 4 long years from those days, I’m surprised and flattered he made it a point to meet for lunch despite years of no communication. He left for Canada even before we finished our first year and we haven’t talked since then. Despite that, he hasn’t changed a bit. He still laughs at the same jokes and at the same people, still has that signature cap and loose shirt, and still is in love with same girl. Needless to say, he’s still the same Lorenz I knew way, way back- only like a hundred lbs. heavier!!

At first I was reluctant to accept his offer, imagining how horribly awkward it would be not knowing how to deal with him. But I’m glad I did. The first hi/hello then hug and beso washed all the presumed awkwardness away. He introduced me to Fid (finally, I met her) and we just gabbed the entire hour. There wasn’t enough time to catch up but, at least, it was a start. I vowed to keep my FB updated so we can keep in touch.

Our semi- reunion ended with the usual goodbyes and with me teasing him about his star scholar jacket one last time.

2009, so far, had been more of a rollercoaster ride for me. Everything went really fast, with the upside down turns and all. I graduated, passed the board exam and landed on a job most CPAs run after. So after 8 months, I ask myself, am I happy with where I’m grounded?

With a hey-you-i-survived-the-rollercoaster kind of smiled plastered across my face, my answer is: OH YES I AM!

But that wasn’t always the answer.

There were times I thought of perhaps taking a year off from all of it and then pursuing a job after could have been a better set-up. It all went so fast, you see? In eight months, I’ve been a student, a board passer, an employed bum (I was hired a day after the exams but worked a month after that) and now, a bona fide member of the workforce. I keep telling the tiny brain I have that maybe I made a wrong turn the day I signed my contract. It’s not that I’m regretting all of it now, because frankly, I don’t think I would last more than a month of being unproductive when I should be starting my life. It’s just that, seeing other people be completely comfortable about it, those who opt for a laidback life, those who just want to shop their way through life, it seems okay. It seems right. I feel like I’m the one who worries my life away, while they spend every freaking day, strutting in their 5-inch heeled out-of-this-planet shoes, with “Time of my Life” playing on the background.

In magazine covers, in blog entries, in a split-second kind of realization, yes, that might seem like the kind of life everyone would kill for. But in my every attempt to cross that side and just drop everything with a to-hell-with-the-world wave of the hand, I simply can’t; because, and I say this with a deep sense of pride, that’s not who I am.

I might be magnetized, once in a while, with all the material things and sparkling little diamonds, but I don’t find fulfillment in accumulating them in my closet, knowing I didn’t even work for them. I feel guilty, even as a schoolgirl, to ask for things I know I don’t “need”. Even now, Keng finds it weird why I’m too conscious about the price tag of stuff I buy. I always tell him I just CAN’T AFFORD to buy overpriced things. And by CAN’T AFFORD, I don’t mean the lack of money. I mean, my conscience really wouldn’t allow me to buy a 4k cotton dress that looks like any other dress in any other shop, but was priced as much because of the brand. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

I usually hear people say we only have one life to live, so enjoy it to the fullest. I say, we only have one life to live, so make it matter. Besides, who said living life to the fullest means being indifferent and self-centered? There are so many things to learn, so many lives to touch, so many relationships to build, and yes, we have all the time. You can never say there’s just so little time. Count the hours you throw away running after superficial things and superfluous pursuits; it’s a lifetime in itself.

It’s 6:35am. I’m in a messy room full of disorganized files and unsealed boxes; laptop bags scattered everywhere. There’s a pair of slippers under the table and packs of noodles by the window. Despite it all, the room is in its cleanest ever since our cluster moved in. We tried our very best to fix the place and finish packing last night, but failed. We moved a few boxes already- all with a heavy heart, of course. We don’t want to leave our little “paradise”. But what can we do? We’re being evicted.

I spent some short couple of weeks here in Jet, but I must say, my stay had been the exact opposite of how I imagined my worklife to be. It’s just plain blissful- from Pusoy Dos sessions to sharing of Korean movies, Plants vs. Zombies marathon to ala choral performance of the most baduy songs. Of course, we also work our lazy butts here. But because of the company and shared laughter, everything feels a ton lighter. No pressure, just fun.

Although now, sadly, I have to go back to reality and finish packing my stuff. I have to disconnect my laptop and set- up outside- in a little round table exposed to the whole world. Goodbye to our ultimate stress-reliever, Pusoy Dos, which, by the way, I only learned when I got here. Goodbye to our sunfloras and tall-nuts that defend our houses from zombies who can dance the moonwalk. I’m so sad that you would never taste our brains again. Goodbye to our “Thursday is English day” gimmick. I will miss hearing “Hey, godfather of my child” and “What’s this, fish sauce?”. Finally, goodbye to our afternoon merienda of pandesal, melted butter and sweet laughter.

Oh well. Goodbye to our raunchy, four-cornered paradise; hello, round tables.