Monday, August 24, 2009
Make it Matter
2009, so far, had been more of a rollercoaster ride for me. Everything went really fast, with the upside down turns and all. I graduated, passed the board exam and landed on a job most CPAs run after. So after 8 months, I ask myself, am I happy with where I’m grounded?
With a hey-you-i-survived-the-rollercoaster kind of smiled plastered across my face, my answer is: OH YES I AM!
But that wasn’t always the answer.
There were times I thought of perhaps taking a year off from all of it and then pursuing a job after could have been a better set-up. It all went so fast, you see? In eight months, I’ve been a student, a board passer, an employed bum (I was hired a day after the exams but worked a month after that) and now, a bona fide member of the workforce. I keep telling the tiny brain I have that maybe I made a wrong turn the day I signed my contract. It’s not that I’m regretting all of it now, because frankly, I don’t think I would last more than a month of being unproductive when I should be starting my life. It’s just that, seeing other people be completely comfortable about it, those who opt for a laidback life, those who just want to shop their way through life, it seems okay. It seems right. I feel like I’m the one who worries my life away, while they spend every freaking day, strutting in their 5-inch heeled out-of-this-planet shoes, with “Time of my Life” playing on the background.
In magazine covers, in blog entries, in a split-second kind of realization, yes, that might seem like the kind of life everyone would kill for. But in my every attempt to cross that side and just drop everything with a to-hell-with-the-world wave of the hand, I simply can’t; because, and I say this with a deep sense of pride, that’s not who I am.
I might be magnetized, once in a while, with all the material things and sparkling little diamonds, but I don’t find fulfillment in accumulating them in my closet, knowing I didn’t even work for them. I feel guilty, even as a schoolgirl, to ask for things I know I don’t “need”. Even now, Keng finds it weird why I’m too conscious about the price tag of stuff I buy. I always tell him I just CAN’T AFFORD to buy overpriced things. And by CAN’T AFFORD, I don’t mean the lack of money. I mean, my conscience really wouldn’t allow me to buy a 4k cotton dress that looks like any other dress in any other shop, but was priced as much because of the brand. It just doesn’t sit right with me.
I usually hear people say we only have one life to live, so enjoy it to the fullest. I say, we only have one life to live, so make it matter. Besides, who said living life to the fullest means being indifferent and self-centered? There are so many things to learn, so many lives to touch, so many relationships to build, and yes, we have all the time. You can never say there’s just so little time. Count the hours you throw away running after superficial things and superfluous pursuits; it’s a lifetime in itself.
With a hey-you-i-survived-the-rollercoaster kind of smiled plastered across my face, my answer is: OH YES I AM!
But that wasn’t always the answer.
There were times I thought of perhaps taking a year off from all of it and then pursuing a job after could have been a better set-up. It all went so fast, you see? In eight months, I’ve been a student, a board passer, an employed bum (I was hired a day after the exams but worked a month after that) and now, a bona fide member of the workforce. I keep telling the tiny brain I have that maybe I made a wrong turn the day I signed my contract. It’s not that I’m regretting all of it now, because frankly, I don’t think I would last more than a month of being unproductive when I should be starting my life. It’s just that, seeing other people be completely comfortable about it, those who opt for a laidback life, those who just want to shop their way through life, it seems okay. It seems right. I feel like I’m the one who worries my life away, while they spend every freaking day, strutting in their 5-inch heeled out-of-this-planet shoes, with “Time of my Life” playing on the background.
In magazine covers, in blog entries, in a split-second kind of realization, yes, that might seem like the kind of life everyone would kill for. But in my every attempt to cross that side and just drop everything with a to-hell-with-the-world wave of the hand, I simply can’t; because, and I say this with a deep sense of pride, that’s not who I am.
I might be magnetized, once in a while, with all the material things and sparkling little diamonds, but I don’t find fulfillment in accumulating them in my closet, knowing I didn’t even work for them. I feel guilty, even as a schoolgirl, to ask for things I know I don’t “need”. Even now, Keng finds it weird why I’m too conscious about the price tag of stuff I buy. I always tell him I just CAN’T AFFORD to buy overpriced things. And by CAN’T AFFORD, I don’t mean the lack of money. I mean, my conscience really wouldn’t allow me to buy a 4k cotton dress that looks like any other dress in any other shop, but was priced as much because of the brand. It just doesn’t sit right with me.
I usually hear people say we only have one life to live, so enjoy it to the fullest. I say, we only have one life to live, so make it matter. Besides, who said living life to the fullest means being indifferent and self-centered? There are so many things to learn, so many lives to touch, so many relationships to build, and yes, we have all the time. You can never say there’s just so little time. Count the hours you throw away running after superficial things and superfluous pursuits; it’s a lifetime in itself.
Life is like a coin. You can spend it whatever way you want, but you can only spend it once. So make it count. -Conrad Lee
# posted by Liana : 5:33 PM
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