Monday, May 21, 2012

Dear future son/daughter

You reading this means you've reached a certain age. 18 maybe? Or perhaps earlier than that.


I am riding a bus to Ho Chi Minh as I type this. I saw the Angkor Wat yesterday and every bit of prickling sunburn pain I got from touring was worth it. Anyway, I haven't met you yet; I'm not even married. So as I write this letter to my 'future son/daughter' (that's you), I am also channeling my future mommy vibe.

So, what do I badly want to tell you that I am sacrificing sleep and bearing with the ipad keyboard just to get this done?

At this stage in your life you're probably rushing to do EVERYTHING. You are young, invincible and still have that soon-expiring license to make stupid decisions.  You want to make the most of your youth. But since 'maturity' is a concept that bores you, EVERYTHING for you may mean going out, getting drunk, falling in love with the wrong guy/girl and being friends with people who don't care about you. That's perfectly normal. Trust me, I've been there. You probably think these things help you discover who you are. But this seemingly rebellious stage will not last. It's just a phase, sweetheart. You have to know that.

There will come a time when you can truly know yourself, when your inner voice is much more powerful than those of people around you, even mine. I am in that stage right now, and I am telling you, this part in your life is worth looking forward to. That sums up what I want to tell you. That there is a stage beyond immaturity that is liberating and painful and exciting and carefree, all at at the same time, and it is not because you are clueless but because everything is starting to make sense. You may want to travel far and wide, or paint portraits or make music or live in another country or completely shift careers and you are allowed to do that. This is a time when you are only accountable to yourself. Savor it. There is no better time to get to know who you are and what you are passionate about than now. Staying true to those is a completely different battle. But at this stage, you should aspire for at least knowing with certainty your place in this world.

You have to know that the years between being a teenager and finally becoming an adult are precious. I don't know what it's called exactly, but between you and me, let's call it years of becoming. During these years, you will be confused. You will feel old. There may even be instances you'll go through a quarter-life crisis. You will feel like drifting away or drowning. Seeing friends who seem to know what they're doing frustrates you. But you know what? Being an adult doesn't happen overnight and it sure doesn't happen through merely the passage of time, either. You have to go out there and figure out what matters to you. Years of becoming, buddy, are exactly for that. I should know because I am currently in that stage, doing my best to be aware of who I am and who I want to become. It is not easy, but there wasn't a time when everything was clearer than right now. 


I know I can be the most protective mom in the world. But when it comes to you living your own life, trust me, I'll be on your side.

I will do my part as long as you do yours.
I will let you go as long as your journey is towards the center of your being.
I will worry about you incessantly, but when you ask for my blessing, all you'll hear is :

'It's about time you grow some wings, baby.'

With all my love,
Your currently-caught-in-the-years-of-becoming mom


*written on May 18*

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