Friday, November 18, 2011

Signpost

Some people do it on their birthdays. Others, a few days before welcoming a new year. Although, as much as possible, I try to reflect on those occasions, too, I feel a much powerful need to dwell upon my recent decisions when facing a life turn.


Tomorrow is my first day in graduate school. *grant me a few seconds to savor those words* It may not seem such a big deal. It may mean nothing more than having enough funds to pay for the expensive fees, or, in my case, having parents very much willing to grant me parental support. Graduate school may only mean shiny paper with the fancy letters M, B and A in it. Or a name three letters longer than before. In short, nothing more than a title to brag about. Although those are all perks of a Master's Degree, I would like to believe there are things beyond that, if you have the right intentions at heart.


Before I sealed this decision, a number of people asked why I didn’t apply for a scholarship. As Mother Theresa-ish as this sounds, I didn’t apply for one because I couldn’t imagine taking a spot at the expense of someone else who truly needed it. My parents shared the same principle, so they stepped in the moment I told them about my plans of studying again.


What I found more dumb-founding than that was people’s advise to just wait until my boss require me to earn such degree and then, ask for a firm scholarship. That sounds pretty logical, not to mention convenient. But that was exactly what I was trying to avoid.


In my years of education, I was merely following a pattern. Everybody expects you to get into highschool after elementary, and then to college after highschool. I didn’t have a choice. And I say that not to make it sound unfavorable. My point is, studying was the most natural thing to do then. After College, I got a taste of the real world. I dove into new responsibilities, dealt with everything unfamiliar and matured more than in all my academic years. It was convenient to go with the flow. Professional responsibility overwhelmed me that I merely focused into working hard, not knowing what for. Needless to day, I got swayed into a path I wasn’t sure was for me yet not entirely not for me. There was no time to look back and honestly evaluate whether I was doing the right job. Doing a good job and having the right job are two different things. I understood that fully in the past years.


You know that familiar line? I woke up one day and that was it. I woke up and felt I needed to re-evaluate everything. I realized I couldn’t keep moving without a specific direction. A lot of events triggered it but they all came crashing to me one day. It had been a long process since “that morning”, a process that took a lot of initiative. And I guess, that is the part I am most proud of.


I didn’t wait for someone to push me into taking a Master's Degree nor searched for a solid benefit I’ll get from pursuing it because I already felt the eagerness to learn and, more importantly, the drive to act on it. What else should I be waiting for?


Tomorrow I’ll tread on a new path. It wasn’t exactly in my roadmap. But somewhere along the way, I decided to follow a different signpost and give my career a new direction. This isn’t abandoning entirely what I have built the past 2 years. This is a detour, a bypass. This is me taking the earlier exit to a different highway, while everyone else is going straight ahead.


This is me taking a risk. It is scary. But it’s the good kind of scary.


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