Monday, December 20, 2010

Epitome of Happiness

Philosophy wasn’t my A subject in College. Although I found it interestingly mind-boggling, I was usually distracted in class what with all the ‘major subject worries’. I usually had to multi-task in lectures, juggling pretending to be listening to my Prof and reading law provisions on the side. Despite all distractions, I have one prized Philosophy lecture I will forever remember.

My professor was babbling away, throwing Nietzsche here and Nietzsche there. Here we go again, I thought. But then she dropped this question that caught all of my busy-with-law brain cells: If you were given the chance to live all over again after you die, like a second-life on earth, but then everything will be the same. Start to end. Highs and lows. Same experiences, same decisions- all of it. Would you take it?

In my mind, I answered hell no. Like, what’s the point? If everything will be the same, why go through all of it for the second time? Then my professor explained the reason behind the question and the implication of our answers, which, up until this very day serves as my instant reality check/ wake-up call.

My professor said, if you are truly living your life to the fullest, like what most goddamn Hallmark cards tell you, you would have said yes, over and over, to a life of eternal recurrence because you’ve seized every moment of every waking day of your entire life and the only way to live a worthy life is to repeat it. See the point?

I have been, in more instances than I can count, troubled by that lecture. I felt like I’m always missing out on something. I get troubled with upcoming regrets thinking I may not be able to give justice to this life. So when an officemate wrote this for me, her words definitely touched my heart:

Hey Teammate! Nakanino na nga ba ang bola? Hehe. It’s amazing how I can talk to you about anything, be it as shallow as some cute top I saw or as insightful as the TV series we enjoy watching. And every time I talk to you, it’s never with reservations. IMO, you are the epitome of happiness in our cluster. You remind me of this First Communion song entitled This Little Light of Mine. Pero instead of protecting/keeping your conscience clean, I hope that you stay happy or be happier despite the unpleasantness of everything else around us. Safeguard your happiness, Teammate. It’s a rarity.

So whenever dark clouds reign over my days, I replay these carefully chosen words written especially for me. I shut the voice inside my head screaming I haven’t done enough. Saying I don’t know how she perceives me as someone that happy would be a lie. I worry about not being able to do everything, yes. But about being happy enough? No, I never worry about that. I feel it and I embrace all of it.

Maybe I’m made up of sugar and spice and everything in this world that is nice, or maybe I’ve read too much Paulo Coelho and Nicholas Sparks too early I failed to absorb the fact that fiction is what they write. Maybe I am just a forever silver-lining girl, the most loyal believer of optimism, but I don’t fake any of it. I am happy because I got so many reasons to be and those outweigh the reasons not to be. They’re always there, of course. But I would rather swim my way atop all the negativity and guard my happiness with all of me. Because, really, nobody got it right when they answered doctor, or nurse or teacher or president when they were asked what they wanted to be. Happy, that’s it. That’s all we ever want to be.

Comments:
so nice :) stay happy :)
 
@naida: thanks, dear. :)
 
you never fail to impress me with your writings liana :)
 
thanks for reading, poulla!
 
Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]





<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]