Friday, September 24, 2010
Braving a New World
Off. I’ve been off for a time now. I’ve been off from the time I received the news of an officemate leaving. Putting things off isn’t really my style. I used to voluntarily stay late in the office just to finish tasks and have a clean slate the next day. I like it that way. I don’t want work piling up; I don’t want missing deadlines. But ever since I found out that my very first mentor in my biggest engagement already tendered her resignation, I’ve been sweeping every task under the rug, praying they will magically disappear and never haunt me. In denial, yes, they call it that.
She is the 4th clustermate to leave this year. Leaving is normal in this firm, since this is just considered as a sacred training ground. The norm is to move on after a year or two. But her leaving hits me more than just a normal resignation. She is my mentor; she was my mentor. I owe her most of what I know today. She was my senior in my biggest engagement. I worked with her more than I worked with anyone else. Her leaving means losing my protective line, my security blanket. Her leaving means I would have to take the bullet, myself, from now on.
I know I should be jumping up and down at this moment. For sure, I would have to step up and try my very best to fill her void in the team, which would mean more responsibilities. Not everyone is given the opportunity to handle bigger accountabilities at work this early. Especially in my kind of job where we deal with legal matters and deadlines bundled with a 25% penalty. But the thought of being completely on my own, reviewing others’ outputs then being liable for them as if they were my own, those are sending nervous cells down my spine.
Come November, it will be hiring season again. We’ll definitely employ an additional team member- our new baby. He/she will be like the ME a year ago- eager, idealistic, full of energy, and at the same time, clueless and nervy. It will be my duty to do the very best to take cluelessness and nervousness out of the picture. It will be my duty to arm her with whatever knowledge I have received the past year. More like shifting places from being mentored to the one mentoring. The responsibility of raising the baby will be placed at the palm of my shaky hands. Poor little thing.
So for today, I will allow myself to savour my last hours of being at the bottom of the pyramid. I will slack off and access unauthorized websites and ignore the urgent mails. Over the weekend, I would have to brace myself and saturate every lazy cell in my body. Next week, I will be braving a brand new world where I would have to step up, not only when my seniors are having a bad day, not only when my manager’s hands are full, but for every waking day.
It’s scary. But it’s the good kind of scary.
She is the 4th clustermate to leave this year. Leaving is normal in this firm, since this is just considered as a sacred training ground. The norm is to move on after a year or two. But her leaving hits me more than just a normal resignation. She is my mentor; she was my mentor. I owe her most of what I know today. She was my senior in my biggest engagement. I worked with her more than I worked with anyone else. Her leaving means losing my protective line, my security blanket. Her leaving means I would have to take the bullet, myself, from now on.
I know I should be jumping up and down at this moment. For sure, I would have to step up and try my very best to fill her void in the team, which would mean more responsibilities. Not everyone is given the opportunity to handle bigger accountabilities at work this early. Especially in my kind of job where we deal with legal matters and deadlines bundled with a 25% penalty. But the thought of being completely on my own, reviewing others’ outputs then being liable for them as if they were my own, those are sending nervous cells down my spine.
Come November, it will be hiring season again. We’ll definitely employ an additional team member- our new baby. He/she will be like the ME a year ago- eager, idealistic, full of energy, and at the same time, clueless and nervy. It will be my duty to do the very best to take cluelessness and nervousness out of the picture. It will be my duty to arm her with whatever knowledge I have received the past year. More like shifting places from being mentored to the one mentoring. The responsibility of raising the baby will be placed at the palm of my shaky hands. Poor little thing.
So for today, I will allow myself to savour my last hours of being at the bottom of the pyramid. I will slack off and access unauthorized websites and ignore the urgent mails. Over the weekend, I would have to brace myself and saturate every lazy cell in my body. Next week, I will be braving a brand new world where I would have to step up, not only when my seniors are having a bad day, not only when my manager’s hands are full, but for every waking day.
It’s scary. But it’s the good kind of scary.
# posted by Liana : 12:54 AM
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