Thursday, August 26, 2010
You jump, I jump
The general rule is this: It takes a woman in her late twenties to expect and, to some extent, deserve non-stop interrogations about settling down. I am only turning 22 this year but I have, even from almost- strangers, received random questions about wedding destination preferences. Apparently, a woman who has been with the same man for more than 5 years is an exception. In that case, let me join the club.
Being asked about dream wedding details is not really too personal. All girls have that and we all love talking about it, over and over, even, because they change as soon as another “Wedding of the Year” is published. We giggle over wedding-appropriate love songs in highschool sleepovers and we re-pick our Maid of Honor whenever we had tiffs with our bestfriend. What I’m saying is a wedding is merely an event. Ask someone about her dream wedding gown and she’ll blurt it out in a second. But asking her when, like the year or in how many years, that is a different story.
More than a hundred times, I received comments about settling down already, since I’ve been with my boyfriend for so long. I’m flattered they think we are stable enough to actually make that big step but I don’t see how they can think of us as that. Granted, we’ve known each other a long time and stayed strong through every relationship trial, but are those all it take? Sometimes, I see young people settling down and ask myself, “Why can’t we be that bold? Why don’t we just get married and make everyone believe love gives all the answers? Wouldn’t it be more dreamy that way?”. Good thing, I get back to my senses soon enough to just laugh the idea off.
Love certainly, obviously doesn’t give all the answers. Finding the right person is just about one stop in the ‘Your way to a successful marriage’ maze. I may be absolutely in love with a man but hey, I don’t have plans of marrying him if he still relies on his parents for gas allowance. Fair enough, I don’t intend to get married, too, unless I can already shell out for ALL my expenses. You see? Love doesn’t provide for financial maturity and sure doesn’t pay for a decent 150- guest wedding. And no, letting the folks pick up the wedding tab is not option. You can never be more of a hypocrite vowing to sustain a lifetime of marriage if you can’t even provide for the very first day of that very long lifetime.
Marriage doesn’t have to be immediate or unplanned or rebellious for it to be romantic. It doesn’t require the instability of the couple for it to be called a risk. No one, who clearly looks after his/her partner, would insist on being ready when faced with insurmountable evidence to the contrary. I’m not implying that there is a certain point of being “completely ready”. But there is a stage when only uncertain matters would make you feel jittery at the sound of “I do.” Having no stable job at the moment, no clear plans at the moment, no substantial savings at the moment- those things are facts and you don’t bring those ugly/scary facts into a marriage, if you intend to make it last.
Right now, in our 8th year as a couple, we are slowly, in small and unhurried steps, building up rocks that solidify the foundation of what we will someday call “family”. We have careers, we try our best to save, even in tiny measures, we step up in being matured partners and we now look at everything as a team. We encourage each other to grow as individuals, keeping a common goal at heart. Rock by rock, piece by piece, we put together whatever it takes to make our future as transparent as possible. And when our rock-hard foundation already reaches its highest, we will climb it up like a cliff, hand in hand, with a “you jump, I jump” grin on our faces and, well, we all know what’s next.
Being asked about dream wedding details is not really too personal. All girls have that and we all love talking about it, over and over, even, because they change as soon as another “Wedding of the Year” is published. We giggle over wedding-appropriate love songs in highschool sleepovers and we re-pick our Maid of Honor whenever we had tiffs with our bestfriend. What I’m saying is a wedding is merely an event. Ask someone about her dream wedding gown and she’ll blurt it out in a second. But asking her when, like the year or in how many years, that is a different story.
More than a hundred times, I received comments about settling down already, since I’ve been with my boyfriend for so long. I’m flattered they think we are stable enough to actually make that big step but I don’t see how they can think of us as that. Granted, we’ve known each other a long time and stayed strong through every relationship trial, but are those all it take? Sometimes, I see young people settling down and ask myself, “Why can’t we be that bold? Why don’t we just get married and make everyone believe love gives all the answers? Wouldn’t it be more dreamy that way?”. Good thing, I get back to my senses soon enough to just laugh the idea off.
Love certainly, obviously doesn’t give all the answers. Finding the right person is just about one stop in the ‘Your way to a successful marriage’ maze. I may be absolutely in love with a man but hey, I don’t have plans of marrying him if he still relies on his parents for gas allowance. Fair enough, I don’t intend to get married, too, unless I can already shell out for ALL my expenses. You see? Love doesn’t provide for financial maturity and sure doesn’t pay for a decent 150- guest wedding. And no, letting the folks pick up the wedding tab is not option. You can never be more of a hypocrite vowing to sustain a lifetime of marriage if you can’t even provide for the very first day of that very long lifetime.
Marriage doesn’t have to be immediate or unplanned or rebellious for it to be romantic. It doesn’t require the instability of the couple for it to be called a risk. No one, who clearly looks after his/her partner, would insist on being ready when faced with insurmountable evidence to the contrary. I’m not implying that there is a certain point of being “completely ready”. But there is a stage when only uncertain matters would make you feel jittery at the sound of “I do.” Having no stable job at the moment, no clear plans at the moment, no substantial savings at the moment- those things are facts and you don’t bring those ugly/scary facts into a marriage, if you intend to make it last.
Right now, in our 8th year as a couple, we are slowly, in small and unhurried steps, building up rocks that solidify the foundation of what we will someday call “family”. We have careers, we try our best to save, even in tiny measures, we step up in being matured partners and we now look at everything as a team. We encourage each other to grow as individuals, keeping a common goal at heart. Rock by rock, piece by piece, we put together whatever it takes to make our future as transparent as possible. And when our rock-hard foundation already reaches its highest, we will climb it up like a cliff, hand in hand, with a “you jump, I jump” grin on our faces and, well, we all know what’s next.
# posted by Liana : 6:51 AM
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